Our Miracle

IMG_5330+2.jpg

If you follow me over on social media, then you know what this post is about.  JD has always wanted to be a father; always. He couldn't wait for us to be married so we could officially begin trying to start our family. I think his excitement to have a family came from his small family. JD and I have struggled with conceiving for over five years, including the heartbreak of two miscarriages. I will save our long fertility story for another post. Last year, we decided to host an exchange student that completely changed our view on what we wanted our future to look like. Hosting Nicky - gave us an incredible view and perspective on our own lives and lifestyle and what parenting a teen is like and even teens who are independent require lots of time commitments. Which made us realize having a baby may not be for us; we both work a lot, are dedicated to the gym and covet our hobbies and friendships and love to travel long-distance-for long periods of time.  After Nicky completed his time here with us, we decided our family of just us and our little #ladyfox was enough. We embraced our season of life and the challenges that come along with basically being human. Finally, after all these years of heartbreak and doctors and making difficult decisions on what steps were next - we were finally happy with life together just being us. While I won't go into detail here; we had a hard Summer, and come Fall; we began seeing a marriage counselor and really started seeing each other and our marriage through fresh eyes and with lots of grace. This past wedding season was the busiest I’ve ever been. I closed out the year a week before Thanksgiving and was just exhausted- more exhausted than I have ever been. I retired to my hotel room; took a hot bath - fell asleep in the bath tub - only to wake up hours later dragging myself out of freezing water and straight to bed - still soaking wet. I can’t ever remember feeling as exhausted as I was. I know now; the level of exhaustion I was feeling was because I was nearly 6 weeks pregnant.

We’re pregnant. Just saying that and typing it h e r e , has tears running down my cheeks. There is an incredible little heartbeat that is growing inside me and making me wonder everyday whether he or she will have my green eyes or the blue eyes that stole my heart nearly 14 years ago.

CD DIFFICULT ROADS POST HEADER.jpg

I think it’s incredible that after so much heartbreak; here we are in this place - with a little miracle we never expected - but always hoped for- for so very long - growing in my belly. I’m currently about 16 weeks now. It’s a little later than most people announce their pregnancy; however with our history of heartbreaks - we wanted to be sure before we made the announcement official.

There are so many of my dear friends who are awaiting their miracles and battling heartbreak of not being parents yet. To all of you in that season - I am praying for you and I want you to know your time will come too.

Much love to you all.

Cass

IF I KNOW WHAT LOVE IS {Life Lately}

 

I stumbled across this quote a little while ago from the lovely Bridal Musings. Instantly it hit a chord with my heart. You guys know how dear to my heart I hold quotes but this one is a little more than just what meets the eye. I haven't shared this with you guys yet, but a little over two months ago, JD & I spent about a week apart. I let busy take over my life, my marriage and my home. I let flower scraps lay on the floor for far too long and checklists take over my life.  I let radio guest appearances, magazine features and blog collabs be more important to me than my marriage. I let seeing the end-goal become the only vision I saw. I didn't see that I was putting myself, my health and my husband last. This little boutique of mine has grown rapidly.. like times 100 in the last six months. My follower count, subscriber count and blog views became far too important to me. I didn't see how it was hurting him to see me sleepless, tired and not spending quality time with him. I needed a refresh - I needed to focus and find my heart again. I spent a handful of nights sleeping at my parent's house, and what I didn't do: was open up social media. I didn't care what anyone said or thought about the mess I created. All I cared about was finding my heart and Joe and us finding our way back to each other.

Six weeks. I took six weeks off of social media. I didn't open the apps, I turned off all notifications.    Those six weeks were amazing - I found I had time for things that fed my soul and heart and quit worrying about those perfect lighting moments and angles. The pictures I did take ? Were of our special moments together, big belly laughs and stolen kisses. I sleep now. No really, I sleep every night - like "wake up with a let's conquer the day spirit" My devotions are first thing in the morning followed by my workout and Foxylilpom walk. I set boundaries. My days off - are now truly days off. JD and I are closer and stronger than ever. Trust me we are so far from any version of perfect there is, but what came out of this little refresh was a renewed spirit and appreciation for my husband. There is nothing more important to me than my Faith and my husband and our marriage.  

I lost some followers. I say that and I have no shame in that. I don't worry about how many comments I get on my photos or how many new followers I get every day. I still take special care in curating my social media photos to align them with my brand, but I don't worry about sharing every single moment - or spreading news like wildfire. Don't get me wrong, social media has it's perks - I'm a big proponent of Instagram and building community - but I see & hear so many people using it to judge their quality of life and self-esteem. I actually stumbled across a funny post somewhere that said "calm down, Instagram is like monopoly money, it's not real". How sad and true it is. We can all take a pic, and spend hours editing it and only put online what we WANT the world to see, not what our lives are really like. Taking a photo after everything has been cleaned, vacuumed and perfectly arranged. I see that far, far too often. I want to take pictures of our home being lived in, loved on and real. A couch that has zillions of throw pillows all over the place because we'd rather sit close together with our legs intertwined and holding hands, rather than worry about keeping the $30 pillows perfectly fluffed. I want to take a picture of us out belly laughing over an inside joke from eight years ago, than sitting around a dining room table that has pictures perfectly hung around it. Life happens in the imperfect moments and to hell with perfection and posting a perfect life - I want to live, I want to laugh and hell I want to love with passion and fierceness.

I now know what love is. Love is not JUST loving someone with their flaws; love is loving someone enough to tell them truths - loving them enough to want the best from them and for them. I know love because my husband loves me enough to tell me truths so we can be closer to each other. He is truly my hero in every way. I share this with you so hopefully you don't make that same mistake - seeing the end-goal and keeping "your eye on the prize' is a must - but not if you bulldoze over all the things that are dear to you. Because you want to share that prize, whatever it is for you, with them. Happy Tuesday loves, from my imperfect heart to yours.

xoxo - C

Beautiful design above by the gals behind Bridal Musings.

KISS YOUR HONEY ! {Happy Valentines Day !}

    I don't know about you guys, but Valentines day makes me weak in the knees. Every shade & variation of pink takes over the world and seems to fill every retail store. It simply makes me giddy - JD knows it's one of my absolute fave holidays. Not just because of the pink explosion, but because the last 9 years I have had the honor of celebrating with someone who makes me want to do all the things that this lovely design via Wiley Valentine created. Today we are doing our usual - popping a bottle of our favorite Italian red, visiting the greatest Italian restaurant here in Springfield, Palermo's, and then coming home to open our cards and then it's Seinfeld and the Office with our yearly brownie indulgence. From my heart to yours: Happy Valentines Day! 

Be sure to head over to Wiley Valentine and check out all their lovely stationary. They are incredible!! 

xoxo Cassie