Q's and A's {Ask Cassandra}

Hello lovelies! It's cloudy here in the Land of Lincoln but it’s a lovely cool spring day. I am so excited to share with you these questions today - I received these a few weeks ago and responded to the brides shortly after, but couldn't help myself from sharing since these seem to be such popular questions among brides.

I'm having trouble incorporating something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. My dress, shoes, and accessories are all new, and not blue - now I'm stuck. Why do I even have to do this and is there anything I can do? – Jasmine, IL

Customs and traditions – if I had went with all the traditions from my family's homeland, I would have been spat on (oh yes, you heard me right!) and rolled around in my wedding dress by my aunt's on our honeymoon suite bed! The poem you speak of: 

Something old, something new
Something borrowed, something blue
and a silver sixpence in her shoe.   

Although this has a Victorian Era source, it is followed by many brides today. Each item represents a good-luck token for the bride. If she carries all of them on her wedding day, her marriage will be happy & long-lasting. "Something old" symbolizes continuity with the bride's family and the past. "Something new" symbolizes optimism and hope for the bride's new life ahead. "Something borrowed" is usually an item from a happily married friend or family member, whose good fortune in marriage is supposed to carry over to the new bride. The borrowed item is to remind the bride that she can depend on her friends and family. It can be daunting looking for pieces to meet the expectations of these traditions and really – how much can a bride truly carry on her person? The good news is you've got the something new covered! I personally like finding & suggesting things that can pull double duty for my brides. Try a swatch of ribbon, lace or fabric from someone's wedding close to you – old & borrowed. For something blue, you can easily have your seamstress or sewing savvy friend embroider your wedding date or a sweet message in blue thread on the lining of your wedding dress or go vixen and have them put on your wedding day petticoats (rawr!).  You can also find all sorts of blue stickers and rhinestones at nearly any craft store and literally stick them anywhere.  Etsy has an amazing marketplace to meet some of these traditions; try some of my favorites LaGartier garters, Bella Mia Design, and Equine ExpressionsIf dainty charms and bobby pins aren't your style, you can always be brave and go bold with a blue pedicure. I've seen it done and it can be a fun addition and pop of color in your photos.


My fiancé is not helping with any wedding planning. When do I need to include him and when should I draw the line? He just seems so uninterested, what can I do? – Ashleigh, OH

Oh the ever NID, MIA groom. Not into details and missing in action. This may or may not surprise you; but I hear this a lot from my clients. Rarely have I heard a bride complain about her groom driving her crazy with his involvement. It can be so frustrating when your fiancé isn't as interested in the planning process as you are. Don't fret; where there is a will, there is a way! Don't mention how unhelpful and uninterested he is. Instead, approach the topic by telling him how important and how much it means to you, that the two of you make decisions together. Tell him you feel alone in the decision making and you want to share this special time with him. Even better, ask him what area of the planning he cares about. Perhaps the music, photography, liquors & microbrews or the honeymoon planning? Always remember he asked you to marry him, so maybe he doesn't necessarily care what color the napkins and chargers are, or the texture of the linens, but he cares about making you happy and ensuring the wedding is what you want. Sometimes grooms feel if they keep out of decisions their bride will be happier and can pick what's best without his interference. I too often hear from grooms "she knows what she wants, I know I don't have to worry about anything – she knows what's best." More often—than not; grooms are quick to point out things they don't like or things they disagree with. Start with expressing how important it is to you that he is included in the planning, then find out what part of the wedding is important to him.

Big hugs and thank you's to Ashleigh and Jasmine for their questions. Some Cassandra fancy mail is on its way to you! Please share your thoughts and any advice for these lovely brides below in the comments! Happy Thursday loves, Friday is just a day away!

For questions of your own, feel free to send me some sugar at cass@cassandradattoli.com.

Amazing photo above of that lovely couple by the oh so talented Miller + Miller.          

Vintage shoes photo by the amazing Aves Photography.


Q's & A's {Ask Cassandra}


Hello lovlies! Welcome to the first installment here at Cassandra Dattoli of Questions & Answers. A couple weeks ago I posted on lots of social media - asking for submissions for any wedding- or party-planning questions. I would really like to spark some conversation about rules and etiquette, and see everyone join in. I love helping people plan celebrations and if I can reach out and pay it forward using my God given talents as well as dreaming up some fabulous details - you betcha I'm gonna do it! If you know me, then you know I have a sweet tooth for a perfectly planned party - any reason to talk wedding - gets me fired up!

Sweet emails came in far quicker than I imagined and I have lots of material to post here for quite some time, so I think I may make this a regular weekly post: what do you think?

So first up, I chose these two questions for this week.

We have unequal numbers of groomsmen and bridesmaids; is it necessary that they  match?    (Sarah, via Facebook)

Absolutely not. The only necessary thing you need is your fiancé waiting for you at the end of the aisle; and that the people standing up with you support you and whose presence is meaningful. In fact, in my own wedding, our groomsmen outnumbered our bridesmaids. I received a comment from a guest, that she thought it was special we had two groomsmen walk the last bridesmaid up the aisle. Ask either the best man to escort the maid of honor and another bridesmaid or the last groomsmen to link arms with two bridesmaids (a lady on both arms -what a lucky guy!) or have your wedding party walk single file up the aisle. In this case, the best man starts, followed by the groomsmen, then the maid of honor, followed by the bridesmaids. If something else suits your fancy, by all means go for it. Always remember, this is your big day.

Do you have to choose a family member as your maid of honor, even if you are closer with a friend?    (Jenna, Oklahoma)

In a short breath; no. Emotions and feelings always run high in the days, months, and sometimes years leading up the wedding. It is so common for a Bride (or Groom) to be closer with a friend, than they are with family members or siblings. If feelings are concerned, and you just want to skip any would be awkwardness or strange conversation - skip the titles and list bridesmaids as just bridesmaids, and groomsmen as groomsmen. In my experience, if you know you are closer with a friend than lets say your sister who lives across the country - chances are - that she knows it too. If having a maid of honor (and explicitly listing a bridesmaid as such) is important to you, then you should start a conversation about whether or not your family member is comfortable playing such an integral role and is able to make the time and monetary commitment. At the end of they day, it is your wedding day: but Shakespeare said it best:

 "What's in a name? That which we call a rose, By any other name would smell as sweet." (Romeo & Juliette, II, ii, 1-2)

Thank you so much Sarah and Jenna for your questions and sweet emails. A gift from the Cassandra Shop is on it's way. Congratulations on your upcoming big days!!

I loved reading and still love reading all the questions that are landing in my inbox. If you have a question, or want a little advice, don't hesitate to contact me at cass@cassandradattoli.com. I'd also love see some comments below as to what you think and any advice you would have for these ladies. Don't be shy and join the convo!

 xoxo, Cas

Photo by the amazing, Ravetta Photography.