Whoa - Where to even start -
Did I ever think that I would ever in a million years share my deepest desires, secrets and fears with a total and complete stranger? Uh - no way.
But you know what? We were 6 hours into day 1 of the conference and that's exactly what I was doing. Here I am - this always pulled together, always "seemingly" smiling, happy, successful, legal mind working for the high court spilling my guts to complete strangers and the amazing Lara Casey cheering me on and making me do it again and again.
There is so much swimming in my head right now and so much on my heart. Overwhelmed? you betcha. But my ass is sure fired up!
I took the craziest road trip, all by myself, last week to Chapel Hill, NC, for the Making Things Happen Conference. I love to drive and driving through the mountains - I was ready to clear my head and pull myself together. I drove about 700ish miles one-way in my loaded down Celica to figure out what this "craziness" in my head is and how to get it out. It was time to do the hard work on my heart and learn a few business tips on the way from the gals that know business better than anyone. MTH is about facing your fears - that you are worthy of your biggest dreams - yes - I am worthy of my biggest dreams - no matter how crazy, far-fetched or far away they may seem.
I spent two days with complete strangers - I stayed in my hotel room every night and ordered pizza so I could go over my notes and just soak it all in. That first night, I went to my hotel room and called my new husband and just sobbed. I sobbed harder than I think he has ever heard - he was speechless to everything I had to say - he couldn't believe the ideas I was throwing out, and he was overwhelmed by the big dreams I had. All he could say was "baby, I just want you to be happy."
Not only was I afraid to tell anyone my ideas and big dreams - but I was afraid to admit them to myself. How does someone who has spent a small fortune on education and half their current life in pursuit of degrees, titles and a super profession say I give it all up - to start fresh and start over? Well - friends - I didn't start over - but I did start fresh. I won't walk away from my assignment with the Court until I know I'm ready - but I did admit to myself that retiring from there is not my big dream or life-plan. I want so much more from life than a 9-5 that inspires no one and is working to fulfill someone else's dreams - while I dream on the side.
I admitted that I love flowers and I am good enough to offer them.
I admitted that I deeply fear losing my husband to his job. Everyday he leaves and I never ever know if he is coming home - but I admitted that forcing him to leave a job that he loves would make him miserable and so so unhappy. My husband was born to be a State Trooper - being anything less than that would make him miserable. It was always his dream - from the day we met back in January 2006. If his job takes him away from me - I know he was happy and doing what he loves. Its so hard to type that - the thought brings me to tears. But keeping him from doing what he loves - is worse. As long as I am blessed with him here on Earth I will support him, stand beside and listen when he needs me too. I accept that his job is dangerous - I accept that every kiss goodbye could be the last - I no longer fear losing him. I trust him. I trust his decisions and his extensive training.
In that conference room we made lists. When I say lists, I mean lots of lists. I realized who truly supports and encourages me - but most importantly I realized who doesn't. Lists of ideas, distractions, what fires me up and so many more lists. My fears? - yupp made a list of those too and you know what? They don't scare me nor most importantly they don't hold me back. I learned to "feel the fear and do it anyway"
I admitted how afraid I am of what my friends, family and colleagues would say. You know what? I frankly don't give a dam anymore. It's been a little hectic setting boundaries, rules and a ton of hard, hard work - clocking the hours to make it happen - but I'm a Taurus - and we are as stubborn and dam determined as they come. So - if you read this and think I'm crazy - yeah - I probably am - but that's what they said about Leonardo De Vinci, Mozart and Walt Disney. So - please- if labeling me crazy puts me in the same category as them - by all means - label away! But guess what? I'm MAKING THINGS HAPPEN!
I'm a small business owner. I own a boutique wedding-planning business that strives to help couples plan the greatest day of their lives; I want my clients to enjoy their day, and experience every single moment, every single emotion. I want to give them peace of mind so they can start their marriage on a foundation they can continuously build on. My life is too short to wake up everyday and go to a job that doesn't support my dreams. I'm saying to no to self-doubt, fear driven decisions and a big HELL NO to comparison. I'm saying yes to a love-filled life full of laughter, random happy-dances and making-out with my husband. I'm saying yes to a life full of Faith and the gifts that God has given me to use and help others with - I'm saying yes to God's amazing plan for me.
To all you lovely people that took the time to read this - I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Don't be shy - leave a comment and tell me what's on your heart. What are you saying yes to?
Here's to making things happen!
XOXO - Cas
Making Things Happen Conference photo Courtesy of the amazing Caitlin Sullivan