IF I KNOW WHAT LOVE IS {Life Lately}

I stumbled across this quote a little while ago from the lovely Bridal Musings. Instantly it hit a chord with my heart. You guys know how dear to my heart I hold quotes but this one is a little more than just what meets the eye. I haven't shared this with you guys yet, but a little over two months ago, JD & I spent about a week apart. I let busy take over my life, my marriage and my home. I let flower scraps lay on the floor for far too long and checklists take over my life.  I let radio guest appearances, magazine features and blog collabs be more important to me than my marriage. I let seeing the end-goal become the only vision I saw. I didn't see that I was putting myself, my health and my husband last. This little boutique of mine has grown rapidly.. like times 100 in the last six months. My follower count, subscriber count and blog views became far too important to me. I didn't see how it was hurting him to see me sleepless, tired and not spending quality time with him. I needed a refresh - I needed to focus and find my heart again. I spent a handful of nights sleeping at my parent's house, and what I didn't do: was open up social media. I didn't care what anyone said or thought about the mess I created. All I cared about was finding my heart and Joe and us finding our way back to each other.

Six weeks. I took six weeks off of social media. I didn't open the apps, I turned off all notifications.    Those six weeks were amazing - I found I had time for things that fed my soul and heart and quit worrying about those perfect lighting moments and angles. The pictures I did take ? Were of our special moments together, big belly laughs and stolen kisses. I sleep now. No really, I sleep every night - like "wake up with a let's conquer the day spirit" My devotions are first thing in the morning followed by my workout and Foxylilpom walk. I set boundaries. My days off - are now truly days off. JD and I are closer and stronger than ever. Trust me we are so far from any version of perfect there is, but what came out of this little refresh was a renewed spirit and appreciation for my husband. There is nothing more important to me than my Faith and my husband and our marriage.  

I lost some followers. I say that and I have no shame in that. I don't worry about how many comments I get on my photos or how many new followers I get every day. I still take special care in curating my social media photos to align them with my brand, but I don't worry about sharing every single moment - or spreading news like wildfire. Don't get me wrong, social media has it's perks - I'm a big proponent of Instagram and building community - but I see & hear so many people using it to judge their quality of life and self-esteem. I actually stumbled across a funny post somewhere that said "calm down, Instagram is like monopoly money, it's not real". How sad and true it is. We can all take a pic, and spend hours editing it and only put online what we WANT the world to see, not what our lives are really like. Taking a photo after everything has been cleaned, vacuumed and perfectly arranged. I see that far, far too often. I want to take pictures of our home being lived in, loved on and real. A couch that has zillions of throw pillows all over the place because we'd rather sit close together with our legs intertwined and holding hands, rather than worry about keeping the $30 pillows perfectly fluffed. I want to take a picture of us out belly laughing over an inside joke from eight years ago, than sitting around a dining room table that has pictures perfectly hung around it. Life happens in the imperfect moments and to hell with perfection and posting a perfect life - I want to live, I want to laugh and hell I want to love with passion and fierceness.

I now know what love is. Love is not JUST loving someone with their flaws; love is loving someone enough to tell them truths - loving them enough to want the best from them and for them. I know love because my husband loves me enough to tell me truths so we can be closer to each other. He is truly my hero in every way. I share this with you so hopefully you don't make that same mistake - seeing the end-goal and keeping "your eye on the prize' is a must - but not if you bulldoze over all the things that are dear to you. Because you want to share that prize, whatever it is for you, with them. Happy Tuesday loves, from my imperfect heart to yours.

xoxo - C

Beautiful design above by the gals behind Bridal Musings.

REFLECTIONS {Greatness Starts with Gratitude}

These last weeks have left my heart heavy and my mind overwhelmed. In our area a tragedy occurred  and as a police-wife; it is so difficult not to put yourself in those same shoes and think "what if?"  It's so easy to be pulled down by our shortcomings and the relationships and items we don't have - so today I'm reflecting on the things I see too many people taking advantage of, and sharing the everyday "it's a given to have" things I tend to forget to be grateful for.

 I'm grateful my husband came home from duty this morning. I'm grateful that just in the other room he is tucked-in tight under the covers. Every night he leaves me and walks down the driveway - could be the last night I ever see him. I'm grateful he hasn't been called away from home to help with the riots. As I sit here typing this today - a very close friend is in my beloved St. Louis is worrying about her husband who is dealing with the riots. My heart just breaks for her and has put my problems into focus.  Friends, whatever your problems are; be grateful for what it is you have; no matter how little it may be. The breath in your lungs is a gift.  Everyday God keeps us here is a gift. We all have so much to be grateful for.

 "In your might you guide them to your sacred home" Ex. 15:13

This is for all our loved ones who put on a uniform and risk giving up the most precious thing of all. This is for the wives, the family members, the children of our heroes, this is for me, and all the sacrifices we as wives and families make every day watching our loved ones walk away and not knowing if they will come home again. This is for all those heroes whose watches have ended too early. Hug your loved ones - hug your pet - tomorrow isn't promised.

- C

OUR ANNIVERSARY {2014}

It's our second wedding anniversary and although it  isn't epic by any means I want to celebrate it with all of my heart because it's the small victories that keep you motivated to the finish line.  This year we were both at the card store looking for cards and instead of buying each other a card - we just picked them out laughed a little at the goofiness of it and then decided to exchanged them right there in the card aisle. I want to start a new personal series for my husband because in the blink of an eye time passes and I don't want to ever forget to tell him how much he means to me and how lucky I feel everyday I get to be his wife.

Dear Joe,

Two years ago I stood by your side as we exchanged looks, rings and stefana crowns vowing before God to love each other forever and be true to one another until death do us part.  So much has happened these last two years - and so much more has happened over the last year. I still can't believe that we built our first home.  What's even more shocking is the plans we are making for our second home and the possibilities of starting a family. What shocks me the most is the simple fact that I started my own Company and have business plans for the next two years. You have been so supportive and loving through all these changes and have been incredibly giving; not only with your time and love but also financially. I am so grateful and feel so blessed to call you my best friend over the last 9 years, but more importantly to call you husband, these last two years. I will forever be grateful to fate and the Lord above who brought us together.  Still to this day I can't get enough of your touch and the simple pleasure of holding your hand and having doors opened for me. I hope we stay this way. Walking in the rain sharing your pockets, finishing each other's sentences with clips from Seinfeld, booty dances in the kitchen, singing in the shower and chasing each other while our furry child barks. I hope you continue to complain to me about the flower messes in your perfectly organized garage, tell me to pick up my clothes and makeup from the bathroom and keep asking me how much longer until I'm ready to go. I hope I never get tired of having you wake up on Saturday's to find me in the studio pouring over floral stems, or working by my side during set up and tear down of events and I pray that I never get enough of those ice blue eyes. I love you Joe - with every bit of every part of my heart. Happy Anniversary - Forever and Always

Greek Goddess

A LITTLE LIFE LATELY {Married + Living Together}

Oh why; hello there! How wonderful it is to see your beautiful faces!  You didn't really think I had forgotten about you, did you? I thought tonight was a good night to have a late night post - and share a little of life lately. I took some time off, no wait - I took ALOT of time off. There has been so many changes in my life - good changes - soul searching and so many things that I want to share with you all. It has been a crazy time away from blogging and social media. Crazy busy, crazy love-filled, crazy, crazy, crazy. Instead of sharing every moment, I chose to focus on what was right in front of me and truly enjoy the moment and be present with my wonderful clients, our new home and my handsome husband who I absolutely adore. We've moved, brought in all our new appliances and some new electronic gadgets as well as a new straight from the showroom floor-vehicle. (I'll introduce our lovely addition to the family: Hemi: a 2014 Dodge Durango - who has been assigned to haul buckets of blooms to and from up-coming events-over on Instagram tomorrow, follow along here) Lots and lots of changes have been happening. Almost overwhelming - but very very much needed. All your emails, texts, calls, tags, kissey faces and comments with your love, encouragement and support over all these changes has overwhelmed this big Greek heart of mine. I just want to hug each and every one of you. For being happy for me, and us, for being supportive, and for understanding that social media is not my first priority. 

 What's on the other side? Is that picture above – of that sexy squad car sitting in our driveway. If anything were to sum up these last weeks away from the computer: it is just that. My popo is home for good. It's been a long time since we've lived together-try 2.5 years- and I really thought it would be tough getting into the swing of things; but it's like we just picked it right back up. Kind of like a bicycle right? I say love is worth it a lot. It has become my mantra, my motto and truly been my motivation for a while. If you are struggling with something, let me tell you; it is worth is. Looking back, I see it very clearly; all the struggles; the heartache; the tears; the missed birthdays and holidays; it was all worth it - love is worth it. 

I have some really great content planned for the end of April and things are really going to get exciting soon - but for now - I bid you farewell - because this Greek has an addiction to her bathtub; and it's singing my name. Oh wait - thats just the popo in the other room; "hey, it's almost bedtime" How annoying, yet loving & satisfying- that he is here and able to know when I've been in the studio too long - oh friends! My popo is home!! 

xoxo

OUR ANNIVERSARY 2013 + ISP UPDATE {One Year}

One year ago today I married this man. This man that I have shared my life with since January 2006. A man that I can close my eyes, hang on to and lean as far back as I can go, because I know he's got me and he's not going to let go. I think we make it look easy. I see a lot of people rolling their eyes at us at the store, because we still hold-hands, he still shamelessly tickles me in public, he still opens the car-door for me and I still put my nose in his neck to breathe in that reassurance that only he can give me.  We do make it look easy - but it's not. It so much work.  I think being a newlywed is hard. You see all these amazingly happy pictures of newlyweds plastered all over the place and you want it to be that way - all the time. But the reality is it's not that way - all the time. Everyone thinks that because you're newlyweds it's all about love and honeymooning, holding-hands and kissing. Or maybe the wedding industry and magazines paint it to be this picturesque scene of the newly married couple walking down the beach, laughing and just gloriously happy. Ha! Gloriously happy? If your like me .. your thinking ... what the hell does that mean? Where's the realistic ads about how you want to claw his eyes out the first time you sit on the toilet in cold water because he didn't put the seat down? Or your cleaning up hair again from the sink because somehow he thought he got it all? (Really? How do you not see the black hair on the sink lip?) Or the irritation he shows because I said "I'll be down in 5min", an hour ago. (true story!) I think getting into your first year of marriage you really have no idea what to really expect. I know what I wanted our first year to be like - a two-story house, a black rod-iron fence, JD's squad car parked right out front for the whole world to see, him home at night helping me finish dinner and a little baby-bump he'd rub and talk to.  HA! That's what I thought I wanted (or maybe what I have been told I'm suppose to want)  Want to know what I got? I got middle-of-night I miss you & love you phone calls, stinky Kevlar to hand wash, missed holidays because he's on duty, a squad car I can't pull out of the driveway - (but I do operate the lights! (YES!) a downtown townhome that I live alone in and a man that loves me to enough to drive the hour and half home after his 2 a.m. shift just to hold me. All I really wanted - was for him to come home, so we can live a resemblance of a "normal" life.  I don't know what "normal" is, but for me it would mean less time in my car traveling to see him, and more time laying in bed with him. Well - just as we were deciding on a move date for me - JD got the call from District 9. He's coming home. Hang on - let me just say that again! Friends!! My husband is coming home! Two years! We've been waiting since February 2012. God is so good.

Saying we are excited/happy/bursting with happiness/joy/excitement & whatever other adjective you can come up with would be an understatement. I simply just cried after he got off the phone. To my poor dear husbands disbelief. ("Baby, aren't you happy?") All the emotions, struggles, fights, late-night drives, doubts, fears, good-byes - everything just came out in the form of tears - ever flowing emotional tears. All the struggles, all sacrifices, all the distance - all the loneliness - was all worth it. To get to this place - and what's crazy - the tough times are really just starting.

Yes - yes it is. Our love, our story is proof. It really is worth it.

We've picked up looking for houses, and are going to attempt to hit 10 open-houses this weekend and pick out pumpkins for our carvings. Halloween really is JD's favorite holiday. Oh- friends a happy happy day to you - grab your loved ones and tell them how much you love them.

XOXO - Cas

Wedding Photo by the amazing Ravetta Photography. Love is worth it design by yours truly.